Boys Don't Cry

I was minding my own business enjoying a cup of cappuccino and people watching on a lazy afternoon. I noticed a young mother walked in seems in a hurry towards the information counter near by. I suspect it is yet another case of missing child in the mall. True enough seconds latter I hear announcements for a missing boy. Fortunately someone found the missing child and brought the poor terrified kid to the counter.


Mother and child united all is well and happy, yes? Noooo…. to my horror the young mother reprimanded the child almost immediately and slaps the boy smack across the face! When the boy started to cry the young mother got even fiercer, she yanked the child’s arm and shouted “Don’t cry! I’m telling you stop it! Shame on you! Boys don’t cry!

Excuse me... say what! Boys don’t cry … and pray tell why not?

No seriously… why the hell not? Why do parents insist on this boys don’t cry nonsense. Firstly, the poor thing is a child for crying out loud! Secondly had you been more vigilant perhaps the kid would not have wondered out of your sight. From the numbers of carrier bags the mother was carrying I’d say the woman was doing some serious shopping. Third, duh! Aren’t you glad that some decent chap found your child and the poor kid is safely back with you? The scene attracted quite an interest for the on lookers and passer by. The mother insisted the child to stop crying which did not help much as the angrier she got the more the child cried. Honestly I pitied the child, poor kid!

What is my point here? I don’t think if a boy or a grown man cries that makes him sissy or less of a man. On the contrary, I think it is brave of a grown man to not be ashamed to feel the need to express emotions like, to cry. Fear, sadness, disappointments and grief are all human emotions are they not? These human emotions do not discriminate gender. Why use a different standard for daughters and another for sons! Why deprived sons emotionally and psychologically in life. As if being tough means, to continue to hide true emotions and acting unfeelingly. Parents in general it seems are in cahoots in this generally accepted behavioral pattern and belief “men don’t cry” thingy and societies in general it seems share this common consensus what a man should be like.It’s as if, life changing events like sons sent off to war, loosing one’s job, the break up of a relationship, or even death of a love one or family members, are feelings to be suppressed simply because men- don’t-cry? What rubbish!

Now I’m no psychologist mind you but surely we don’t need one to tell us that as a child we tend to response to our parents counter psychological messages. An emotionally distant father though unconsciously creates a template on which a male child will build his characters and behavioral pattern later in his own life. Perhaps cultural stereotyping is to be blamed. Even today, you see a heroic male figure so often represented in most films and even television.

Parents tells sons things like, ‘you have to be strong and stand up for yourself’ or "to succeed in life you have to work hard, life is s struggle the better equipped you are the more likely you are to succeed". Duh! Life is a struggle regardless of your gender!

Followings are what researchers found and reported in a brief article in a recent health magazine journal.
The restriction of emotional expression can lead to many problems including:

• Health issues, due to carrying chronic tension in the body.

• Relationship difficulties due to an inability to resolve emotional conflicts and/or a perceived lack of ability to be intimate.

• Psychological problems such as depression, insomnia and anxiety.

• Behavioral issues such as violence when bottled up emotions are channeled into violence.